Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A BIG FAT NEGATIVE

(Disclaimer. I will be talking about periods and stuff, so if it's not your thing, you might wanna run the other direction.)

I did something really bad this week. I got my hopes up. Like, waaaay up.

You see, after we miscarried My periods have gone to shit. Meaning; they're all over the place. Some months they're the first of the month and so super light, and some months they move to the middle and I can't even bend over they hurt so bad. It's been a confusing mind game, and a very emotional one at that.

This month I anticipated a bad one, since the last 2 were fairly easy. I started cramping the 1st and second thinking I was surely about to start. But nothing. Then I woke up and my boobs hurt. I mean aching, warm and felt like huge jugs of water were falling out of my chest. I got a little tinge of hmmm.That's a sign I had before too when I was pregnant. Maybe maybe maybe.

I didn't think about it anymore for a few days, but by day 6 when I still hadn't had my period and my boobs were still hurting, I caved and took a test. It was negative.

I put it in the waste can, and about an hour later I decided to look at it one more time and there was a faint positive. I think I had a small heart attack, but then came back down to reality and realized it was probably just a vapor line. I decided to wait another week ( and the anticipation? OMG the worst!) It was the 10th of the month. Boobs still hurt, still no period but some cramping. So I bought an EPT. Took it, and that one was very very negative. So I gave up hope. I just figured my period was jacked up, I've taken 2 tests and nothing.

2 days later I still had nothing. Just an emotional side of me wishing I was pregnant, and not anticipating a late period. I guess god heard me, and decided it was time to stop playing mind games because he through in 3 of the biggest cramps I've had in my life and then I started.

And like I said in my last post, It's one of the worst ones I've had in a really long time. So bad in fact that I caved and made an OB apt. I'm ready to start the testing process. I'm ready to learn why my body is doing what it's doing.

Infertility is not fun.

2 comments:

Mrs. Lukie said...

I'm sorry. I have endometriosis, too, and know all too well the pain that comes with it--physically and emotionally.

I'm so happy that you have decided it's time to start the testing process and I wish you the absolute best. So many people close to me have had absolute success with treatment and I am hoping for the same for you.

((hugs))

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

I'm so sorry, infertility definitely sucks, no doubt about that! I'll pray that you get your answers fast.