Tuesday, March 15, 2011


(Disclaimer. I will be talking about periods and stuff, so if it's not your thing, you might wanna run the other direction.)

I did something really bad this week. I got my hopes up. Like, waaaay up.

You see, after we miscarried My periods have gone to shit. Meaning; they're all over the place. Some months they're the first of the month and so super light, and some months they move to the middle and I can't even bend over they hurt so bad. It's been a confusing mind game, and a very emotional one at that.

This month I anticipated a bad one, since the last 2 were fairly easy. I started cramping the 1st and second thinking I was surely about to start. But nothing. Then I woke up and my boobs hurt. I mean aching, warm and felt like huge jugs of water were falling out of my chest. I got a little tinge of hmmm.That's a sign I had before too when I was pregnant. Maybe maybe maybe.

I didn't think about it anymore for a few days, but by day 6 when I still hadn't had my period and my boobs were still hurting, I caved and took a test. It was negative.

I put it in the waste can, and about an hour later I decided to look at it one more time and there was a faint positive. I think I had a small heart attack, but then came back down to reality and realized it was probably just a vapor line. I decided to wait another week ( and the anticipation? OMG the worst!) It was the 10th of the month. Boobs still hurt, still no period but some cramping. So I bought an EPT. Took it, and that one was very very negative. So I gave up hope. I just figured my period was jacked up, I've taken 2 tests and nothing.

2 days later I still had nothing. Just an emotional side of me wishing I was pregnant, and not anticipating a late period. I guess god heard me, and decided it was time to stop playing mind games because he through in 3 of the biggest cramps I've had in my life and then I started.

And like I said in my last post, It's one of the worst ones I've had in a really long time. So bad in fact that I caved and made an OB apt. I'm ready to start the testing process. I'm ready to learn why my body is doing what it's doing.

Infertility is not fun.


Mrs. Lukie said...

I'm sorry. I have endometriosis, too, and know all too well the pain that comes with it--physically and emotionally.

I'm so happy that you have decided it's time to start the testing process and I wish you the absolute best. So many people close to me have had absolute success with treatment and I am hoping for the same for you.


My Husband's Watching TV... said...

I'm so sorry, infertility definitely sucks, no doubt about that! I'll pray that you get your answers fast.